Still
by hiddlesexual
Summary: When Gerard falls in love and Frank is left to fend for himself, how will he survive being alone again? It turns out he doesn't have to when Gerard realizes his true feelings for Frank.
1. Chapter 1: Your Gaurdian Angel

Frank and Gerard had just moved into their senior year at a high school in California together and they planned to end it that way, too. Gerard was excited and nervous about the new school and new people, but Frank was dreading the first day. He didn't mind being tortured by upperclassmen all through high school and he certainly wouldn't care now, as long as he was with Gerard. They had been best friends since Gerard took Frank under his wing in their second-to-last year of middle school. Frank, at that time, was deeply enveloped in his chronic depression and the constant isolation from all the other students only contributed to his pain. Gerard, who was slightly older then Frank, had just moved there from New Jersey and ended up a year behind his old school with Frank. The first thing they had in common was that they were both from New Jersey.

Frank spent most of his time in school crying or running from bullies, but when he wasn't doing that he was thinking about Gerard. At first, he only thought of him as a brother and guardian, but as they got closer he felt differently. He looked forward to every class because he sat next to him and he couldn't wait until the end so that they could walk home together. Once they reached Frank's house, Gerard would come inside and corral Frank up to his room as quickly as he could, knowing his parent's habits of abuse. Once Frank was safely inside his house and away from his parents, Gerard would leave for the day. As he walked down the driveway and across the street, Frank would watch from his window, discretely making sure that his angel flew home safely. Gerard would turn the corner to his street and turn towards Frank's house, pull out his phone, and wave the light back and forth in the dark sky letting Frank know he was home. Frank would watch as he walked off, straining his eyes to see his tall figure in the dark. Shutting his curtains, he'd flop onto his bed, turn on the radio and the lights above his bed and then flip out the overhead light. He wrote in his journal everything that Gerard had done for him that day and how he would one day thank him.

Two years later they were in college and Gerard was, of course, still Frank's best friend. He'd had lots of opportunities to get rid of Frank, but he had somehow shown up to save Frank from himself each and every time despite the consequences. No matter what the situation or consequences were, Frank always knew that Gerard would be there; maybe not right away, but he'd be there. The last time, when Frank's parents had broken a kitchen chair over his head, he had run out of the house and down the street to Gerard's. Gerard opened the door and saw Frank's bloody lip and black eye, pulled him in the house and into his room where he took care of him for two weeks, until his parents had gotten drunk enough to forget what had happened. All Frank had done was spill a can of soda. He returned home to find both his parents gone and all their stuff gone with them, only Frank's clothes and furniture remained in the house. Gerard walked into the house, seeing that they had left, and lifted Frank up off the floor where he had collapsed in tears and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Just breathe," he whispered.

"Everything's gonna be okay as long as I'm here."


	2. Chapter 2:The Only Exception

Frank trudged down the hall, juggling books and binders for 5 classes in his arms. He blocked out the jokes from the other students and turned away from the faces that interrogated him. He turned down the hall to his room, only to be sent flying across the ground by another student tripping him. He scrambled to grab his books before they were kicked or ripped apart and thrown around as the kids gathered around to laugh and call names.

He stacked his things and put them under his arm to stand just as another student kicked him in the ribs, knocking him over again. His head swam with thoughts of suicide and escape, his ears pulsing with the laughter. He choked back tears and held his books tighter as he felt strong arms wrap around him and lift him up. He was shivering and protested with a shaky voice, too terrified to open his eyes and see who it was. He tried to curl up and hide, but instead felt the arms pull up his head by the chin and wipe away tears from his cheeks. He cautiously opened one eye to see Gerard's red hair and his usual concerned expression.

"Gee," he sobbed and curled up into Gerard's arms, his warmth comforting him.

"I'm here, I'm right here. They're gone, it's okay."

Gerard held Frank up and looked him in the eyes, "They're gone, they left." Frank's lips quivered and he sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

"Thank you," he said, gasping in between words. Gerard wiped the tears off of Frank's face with his thumb.

"You're always welcome." Girls down the hall pointed and giggled, vigorously whispering back and forth. They pushed one girl towards Frank and Gerard. Looking pleased with themselves, they watched as the girl slowly edged towards them, blushing hard.

"Um, Hi." She looked up nervously and gave an awkward little wave.

"We were wondering if… you two… were, like, together. Like, as a couple?" She looked at her feet and her whole face looked like it could burst into flames at any moment.

"No, we aren't. He's my best friend. But thank you for asking before spreading silly rumors." Gerard smiled and held out his hand.

"I'm Gerard, by the way. Who are you?" The girl's face returned to a normal color as she shook his hand.

"I'm Lynz. Nice to meet you. Sorry for embarrassing you." She smiled apologetically. "It's okay, no harm done." Gerard smiled back and the girl's face lit up in a huge grin.

"Well, we should all get to the buses. Nice to meet you, again!" She took off down the hallway and all her friends pulled her into their circle, asking about what he had said.

"They aren't, but they'd be so cute! The red haired one, he's really hot!" She gushed. Frank watched the girls hurry down the stairs to the first floor, wishing that they had never brought that up.

"Are you okay now?" Gerard put his hand on Frank's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks again," He smiled.

"I'm glad you were here." Gerard smiled and patted his shoulder before walking down the stairs to his locker. Frank walked in the other direction to his own locker and grabbed his book bag, shoving his books in, and slamming the locker door. His heart was racing and he was getting angrier every second. He hurried down the stairs and went for his bus, but stopped and looked down the street where he and Gerard used to go to walk home. It was empty, no people.


	3. Chapter 3: The One That Got Away

He pushed through the crowd, his eyes stinging with more tears. It was already getting dark by the time he escaped the afterschool crowd of bullies and made it to the stop sign. He waited for the cars to pass before he ran as fast as he could down the street to Gerard's house.

He stopped a few feet away from the front door, his nose bleeding from being punched by another upperclassman. The lights were all out, but he pulled out his phone and turned it on, waving it in the sky just as Gerard had done so many times years ago. He waited for a while before giving up hope and turning around, but just as he turned the light switched on and Gerard came out.

"Frank! What happened?" He ran down the driveway and grabbed his backpack strap. Frank's heart stopped for a second before he brought up the courage to turn around and kiss him. Gerard took a sharp breath through his nose before pulling away, looking terrified. Frank looked into his eyes, questioning.

"No." Gerard shook his head, taking a few steps back. The word hit Frank like a Mac truck. He felt his heart crumble and saw his hopes scatter across the ground they were standing on.

"We can't." Gerard turned and walked up the driveway, into his house, and shut off the lights without skipping a beat. Frank, however, stood in the same place, completely broken. His eyes couldn't cry and his throat closed up. His chest was tight and stiff.

He took a few steps back before running full speed towards his house. He crashed through the door, the usual silence of his house stabbing into him like a knife. He ran up the stairs and kicked his door open, grabbing his diary, a lighter, and a small cardboard box. He ran across the hall and pulled open the attic door, climbing up and clicking on the light. He crawled to the center of the room where he had pillows and blankets set up into a little tent. He pulled over a metal bowl that was full of pencils and dumped it out on the blankets and threw the diary on it, clicking the lighter and setting it on fire.

He pulled the top off the little cardboard box and pulled out a razor with a small plastic sheath. He threw the plastic across the room and stabbed the blade into his wrist. He drove it in again and again as he watched the diary burn through watering eyes. The flame danced and flickered in front of the attic window, the moon light shining through and bouncing off the bloody razor. His phone vibrated in his pocket; Once, Twice, Three times, and then nothing.

He paused for a moment to see if it would again. It didn't. He pulled the phone out of his pocket and checked his messages; 3 Unread from Gee. He hesitated for a moment before opening the first message, "I'm sorry for acting that way." The second, "Call Me if you want 2 talk about it." And the third, "I just don't think it's a good idea." Frank flipped his sidekick open and answered him, "I'm busy." He waited for a few minutes before reaching for the razor again, but the moment his fingers touched it the phone vibrated again. "With what?" Frank started to type, 'Homework' but couldn't let himself lie to him. "I'm just busy. I don't want 2 talk about that, you don't like me and sorry I did it." He slid his phone across the floor and reached again for the razor but stopped halfway and decided that he had done enough damage for the day.

He curled up on the sheets and closed his eyes, the fire glinting in front of him slowly dying, and tried to sleep. His phone vibrated for a while, and he knew Gerard was calling. He ignored it and stayed curled in a ball, shaking in tears. He watched the fire flicker in front of the moon and how it bounced of the blood on the floor and his wrists. What felt like a few minutes turned out to be an hour when he heard someone banging on the door below. He jumped up and tried to clean the blood off his wrist before hurrying downstairs and peeking through the little window on the door. It was Gerard, looking frantic and crying. Frank slowly opened the door and Gerard barged in and pulled him into a tight hug before the door was even open all the way.

"Frank I was so worried never, ever, ever do that again! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry, Frank. Really, I am!" He sobbed. Frank pushed him off and sat on the couch.

"Yeah, I get it, you're sorry. But that doesn't change anything. I'm the one who should apologize, I shouldn't have done that." He rested his chin on his hand, but quickly put it back down trying to hide the cuts. It was too late, Gerard ran over and grabbed his arm, gently running his fingers over the gashes and using his shirt to tenderly sop up the blood.

"I knew this is what you were doing. I knew I should've just let you do it, just let you kiss me. We just can't though, that's not a thing that we can have. It's…not viewed as appropriate. It isn't viewed as an okay thing. We would get hurt, well, you would anyways." Gerard froze and regretted it the moment it came out of his mouth.

"No, no! That's not what I meant, Frank, I'm sorry. That came out wrong." Frank looked at him with angry, miserable, watery eyes.

"Gee… Why?" Gerard looked confused.

"Why what?" He produced a medical kit from his pants pocket and started wrapping his wrist.

"Why can't we happen?" Gerard stopped wrapping for a second to think but then continued again.

"Because. People wouldn't accept it. You have enough things happening to you at school anyways. Not that you deserve any of it, but it happens." He taped down the gauze with gentle pressure, Frank wincing slightly.

"Yeah, whatever." Gerard wiped tears off Frank's cheek again.

"Frank. Look at me. Look." Frank looked up at Gerard, who was smiling sympathetically.

"I would die for you, you're all I need. I love you more than anything and you need to know that kissing me didn't change anything between us. I still cherish you as much as I did before. Just… not that way." He kneeled down and slid his hand into Frank's, their fingers intertwined.

"You'll always be mine," he looked into his eyes, "and I'll always protect you."

Frank wanted to kiss him again, to be in his arms, but he knew he could never be. He squeezed Gerard's hand, their fingers locked together.

"I know, I know you will, I'm sorry," he looked into Gerard's deep brown eyes.

"Can you… promise me something?" Gerard looked confused but nodded.

"Will you promise not to tell that girl?" Gerard looked down at the floor, thinking hard, but nodded again.

"I promise."


	4. Chapter 4: The A Team

Frank woke up the next morning, his wrist still wrapped but throbbing. He stared at his ceiling, trying to decide if he was okay or not. He sat up and checked his phone, reading the texts from the night before. He scanned each message for a hint of something, some type of hope in the little black letters. Nothing. He got up and into the shower, and then got dressed and sat on his living room floor. What was he getting ready for, there was no school. Gerard was probably home but he couldn't go there, not yet. He got up and trudged out the door. It was going to rain, definitely.

He hadn't originally planned on liking Gerard. Actually, he'd never thought of him that way before; only recently had he started feeling differently and it actually hurt quite a bit more than he had anticipated. At first it didn't set in to him that liking Gerard meant he was gay, or at least bisexual. Curiosity was his original excuse but after a certain point, it was obvious that wasn't all that he felt. For some reason, he had expected Gerard to find it a completely reasonable thing to do, but lately it had sunk in that 'gay' wasn't something that people took lightly. If he couldn't have Gerard, who would get him? Frank himself had never had anyone ask him out, or like him at all, for that matter. He thought that he had everything figured out, but this morning was proving him wrong. Clearly, Gerard did a lot more for him than he'd realized. Come to think of it, he had never gone this long in a day without seeing Gerard at least once.

Frank looked up from the ground to see that he'd actually walked farther away from his house than he'd planned and didn't really know where he was. He really hadn't planned on going to Gerard's, but he had nowhere else to be. A few blocks down, he saw a girl in a bright red jacket walking down the street, turning back every couple seconds and stopping to wait for someone that Frank couldn't see yet.

She looked familiar, but when Frank saw the red-haired boy she was stopping for he realized it was that girl and Gerard. His heart shattered all over again. It had hardly even been fixed yet and it was in pieces again. They couldn't possibly be together, Gerard had only met her once, or so it seemed. They both had been smiling at each other blissfully that day, like soul mates or something.

"What if Gerard had told her not to let me know about them to protect me?" He thought out loud.

Lynz stopped again and turned around, grabbing Gerard's hand this time. Gerard looked surprised but happily went right along behind her, holding her hand. Her black hair blew around in the wind, which was picking up. Lightning had started flashing in the sky and thunder rolled in the distance. Frank walked a little closer to see what they were doing. They were standing at the corner waiting for cars to pass so they could cross and come down the street Frank was on. He noticed this and went down to the house a block away from the turn onto Gerard's street and watched for her to come, pulling Gerard along behind her. He started to follow them down Gerard's street but stopped, realizing that he was being too nosy. Gerard could date whoever he wanted to, even if it meant hurting Frank.


	5. Chapter 5: You Are My Sunshine

Gerard leaned in and kissed Lynz's neck, wrapping his arms around her waist. She hesitated, not stopping him but not encouraging him either.

"We've been drinking so we won't remember this anyways." He whispered. Lynz ran her fingers through Gerard's hair as he kissed her neck and her chest. He lifted her dress and slid his hands down her body, in between her legs and down to her calves. The lights in the room were off and it was lit only by the orange glow of a few candles. Lynz couldn't help but giggle nervously as he kissed her belly button. He looked up smiling and laughed, too.

"I honestly don't know what to do." He was blushing and she wasn't the least bit disappointed with what he had done so far.

"I think you're doing pretty good so far though," she smiled. He pushed his fingers up to her underwear and slid them under the sides, pulling them down.

Gerard stood up and took off his pants while Lynz covered her eyes, peeking through her fingers. He leaned over her and slid himself inside of her, shaking all over. She moaned as he thrust into her, not sure what he was doing and trying not to hurt her. She noticed and pulled him down, forcing him deeper.

"I don't want to hurt you!" He said without really meaning to.

"You're not going to, trust me. I've done this before." She slid her fingers together around his hips, pulling him down until their chests touched. He pushed harder and faster, finding the perfect rhythm between them. They pushed into each other with perfect timing. Gerard held his breath, trying to be quiet.

"I won't laugh at you just because you're a virgin, so you don't have to hold your breath like that," she whispered, like it was some secret between just them. Hearing this, he immediately gasped for air, hardly able to catch his breath.


	6. Chapter 6: Fix You

The thunder had gotten louder and rain had started pouring down hard, lightning cracking in long spidery shocks into the ground. Frank walked as slowly as he could back to his house, letting the cold rain soak into his clothes. The thunder sang him a song with the rain hitting the ground and the wind blowing through the trees. He stopped, closed his eyes, and turned his face towards the sky, letting the drops mix in with the tears that had just started rolling slowly down his cheeks. He was alone again, just like elementary school. Just like he had always been and always would be. No one ever stayed in his life, or if they did, Frank got attached and then it wasn't worth the pain to try to hold together when he knew it was always on the edge of falling apart. He looked back down at his feet and pushed his hair out of his face, walking down the street again to his empty house.

That was another place where he'd always been alone. Even when his parent's had lived there, he was alone; at least until he did something wrong. He unlocked the door and walked in, heading for the steps to his hide-out in the attic. The keys gently fell from his hand as he looked at the dried blood covering the floor and the bowl of burnt paper. His eyes stung with tears as he knelt down and scooped up a handful of the paper, watching it gently float down out of his hand back down into the bowl and onto the floor. The rain hit the window in a slow rhythm with Frank's tears. His razor glinted in the corner begging to be picked up, to be loved again. He held it, flipping it over and over in his fingers, debating whether to give in or not.

Frank rolled up his sleeve and gently touched the blade to his wrist, sending shivers of anticipation through him. He held it there, not cutting in and holding back sobs. He could barely see through the tears that had welled up in his eyes. He sat it down in front of him after what seemed like hours of reasoning and laid back on the sheets and pillows on the floor. His radio sat next to him buzzing with 'It Ain't Me Babe' barely audible over the static. He stared at the ceiling, which seemed to be spinning above him. The whole house felt like it was rolling back and forth like a wave.


	7. Chapter 7: A Thousand Years

Frank walked out his door and down the street to the school, noticing Gerard coming down the opposite street. His heart weighed a thousand pounds in his chest and his voice wouldn't work to yell across at him. Gerard noticed him watching and waved, crossing the street to walk with him.

"You look a little….down," he whacked Frank on the back through his book bag.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. I mean, I didn't have, like, an outlet or anything last night so…" Frank looked away, hoping Gerard would apologize.

"Oh, well that sucks. You didn't do anything… _dangerous_, right?"

Frank clenched his hand into a fist but remembered who he was dealing with.

"Yeah, it does suck. You know what else sucks? Seeing you with that girl yesterday," he blurted out. Gerard looked surprised and stopped walking for a minute.

"You were watching me? _Us_?" He grabbed Frank's book bag strap but let go, remember what had happened last time he'd done that. Frank spun around, angry and trying not to break down on the spot.

"No, I wasn't! But it doesn't even matter if I was or not, because that wouldn't change anything. If you weren't with her, I would still go home and try to kill myself or cut or maybe even overdose, I don't know. But I thought you said you would be there even after what I did? Well, don't you think rejecting me was probably something you could have been there for? I know you don't like me and you don't want that to happen but you could have been nicer about it! I could be dead right now if it weren't for the fact that I saw the diary that I burnt. You know what was in that diary?" He gasped for breath, waiting for an answer. Gerard's eyes were red and a tear rolled down his cheek.

"I wrote all the things you'd done for me in that. Everything. And then I wrote how I would thank you for it. There were so many times that I had written how much I loved you in that diary and seeing all the pieces burnt up just hurt so much, I couldn't even cut last night." Frank looked down at his feet and headed for his house.

"Wait. Did you really do all that? I mean, am I really the only reason you're not…dead?" Gerard asked without turning to look at him.

"Yeah, you always were." Frank kept walking, burning tears rolling down his cheeks. He turned back, but Gerard was already back on his way to the school. He kept walking, deciding that he didn't need to go to school. He yanked open the door to the house and slid down onto the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. He curled up, shaking. He wrapped his arms around himself as tight as he could, feeling like he was being ripped apart. Nothing was going right and everything was falling down around him. His life was completely upside down. No one was there to help him anymore.


	8. Chapter 8: Better Than I Know Myself

Gerard sat in his desk, flipping his pencil in his fingers until it flew off and then starting again. He was worried about Frank. When he walked away without a word, it was because there were too many to say. The teacher was at the computer, probably doing nothing, and no one in the class was doing much of anything so he pulled out a notebook and ripped out the used pages, balled them up and threw them away. Picking up the pencil from the floor again, he wrote;

'I'm sorry I don't tell you anything. I'm sorry I don't fill you in on my life anymore and that I didn't tell you about Lynz. There was nothing to say at first but now there's a lot and I wish I could have told you right away but I couldn't. I don't want to hurt you, ever; I'm never going to leave. I don't want to leave your side or your life, and I won't disappear like all of the other people in your life. I know you really well and I think you should know a lot more about me than I've let you. First of all, you're wrong. _I love you_. The only reason we aren't together is because I don't want us to get made fun of and also I've never had a girlfriend and neither do you so I think we need to know if we're even like that. Third, well, this is the hard one because it's going to hurt. Me and Lynz are going to date. Actually, we kind of are dating, I mean we did some things and so I guess we are, but I don't know and I think me and her will be happy and I just want you to be happy too. So I guess that's it. Please don't burn this.'

He ripped out the paper and folded it up, then slid it into his pocket. The bell rang and he shoved his way into the hall way, looking for Lynz. She ran up to him and jumped into his arms, kissing him. Gerard shut his eyes and stuck his hand in his pocket, touching the note. His hand tingled at the familiar feeling, it was just like the notes they would pass all through their classes together. She finally let go, looking up and smiling. They looked into each other's eyes for a while without saying anything before they said goodbye and walked to their next class.


	9. Chapter 9: Stay With Me Pt 1

Gerard ran down the street to Frank's house as fast as he could and stopped at the front door to catch his breath. He pulled out the note and read it again, suddenly questioning everything he had said. He had always given and Frank would take, that was how it went. Frank kissed him and, as a result, pushed him away, but Gerard didn't want to go anywhere. He didn't know he could ever feel this way about Frank and he didn't think he would ever have felt like just walking away from it all, but now he did.

He pulled out his pencil and wrote 'Stay with me, please,' at the bottom of the note. Those four words could have meant a lot of different things and he wasn't sure what these particular ones meant, but he knew that all the meanings would have fit there. He folded the paper back up and slid it under the door, hoping Frank wasn't right near the door. After waiting for a moment, he hopped off the curb and hurried around the corner to his house.


	10. Chapter 10: Stay With Me Pt 2

Frank opened his eyes and looked around the room, not moving from his position on the couch. He noticed the note on the floor and hopped up, sliding on his knees up to the door. Unfolding it as fast as he could, he read the first three sentences before tears welled up in his eyes. Reading farther, tears rolled down his cheeks and dropped onto the paper, smearing the words 'I love you.' He held back sobs, feeling like the led was the only proof he would ever have of someone's love for him. Someone cared about him, though, and that was enough. He held the paper up to his face, smelling mostly paper but a hint of Gerard's washing detergent that he was so used though they weren't, he felt so close to him holding that note. He wasn't alone when he had that with him, and he wouldn't burn it because Gerard told him not to.

If it hadn't been for the fact that he read the last sentences first, he would have burnt it without even reading it. It had started raining again outside, but he didn't care. Nothing could have made him sad in that moment. He held the note close to his chest, imagining Gerard's arms around him. It had been so long since they had actually talked, other than that morning, and he missed his voice. The way he talked out of one side of his mouth, his barely noticeable accent; it had all become normal to Frank, so much that he missed the voice itself and not just the person it came from. He would be fine as long as he had Gerard with him, and whether he was near him or not he would always be in his heart.


	11. Chapter 11: Breathe

Gerard shot through the door and slammed it behind him, breaking down in sobs as soon as he slid to the floor. Nothing made sense, his feelings didn't match up with what he knew was right and anything he did was hurting someone, somewhere. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling, thinking about what would be different if Frank had actually killed himself that night. He scared himself by thinking that he probably would have killed himself as soon as he found out. What would it feel like to die; would he be able to feel it if Frank died? Would something inside of him click or twinge, would he feel Frank's pain?

It would hurt to die, he decided, but it would hurt even more to feel Frank die. He had stopped crying, but thinking about that was getting him worked up again and he stopped thinking for a moment to breathe. He turned everything off. He didn't think or open his eyes, he didn't listen to the sounds, nothing. After a while, he fell asleep. He dreamt that he walked into Frank's house to find it empty with Frank hanging in the middle of the room. Underneath him was the note and his razor, and blood was dripping from both his wrists. He woke up sweating and realized he was on his couch. He looked up to see Frank looking down at him, his eyes red from crying.


	12. Chapter 12: Angels Cry

"Why were you on the floor?" Frank leaned closer to Gerard's face, making him a little nervous.

"Why are you in my house?" Gerard snapped back, more scared than angry. Frank stood back, looking hurt and ashamed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap, you just scared me. I was sleeping, I guess. How long have you been here?" Gerard sat up, his head spinning. Frank looked at his phone and then at Gerard's clock.

"I guess 20 minutes, at least. I mean, I have a key to your house so… I just came in because I knew you were home because I watched you walk down the street, and you didn't answer so I was worried." Gerard opened his mouth to question him, but smiled instead.

"Thanks for checking on me. Why does my head hurt so bad, though?" He asked out loud without meaning to, really.

"Well, I sort of hit your head with the door when I opened it. It may or may not have knocked you unconscious… It did…" He said the last part in almost a whisper. Gerard laughed and pushed himself up off the couch, walking into the kitchen. Frank watched him, wanting to talk more. He wanted to talk about the note and Lynz and everything. He just wanted Gerard.

"So, you and Lynz," he looked down at the floor, embarrassed to ask. Gerard turned around and leaned against the counter.

"What about us?" He asked casually, but Frank had a lot to talk about and it wouldn't be so casual soon.

"Well, in the note you said you were together because…well," Gerard cut him off.

"We had sex. It was nice." Frank looked shocked, barely able to keep his jaw from hitting the floor. Gerard looked pleased with himself.

"Really?" Frank didn't know what else to say. Gerard nodded, a huge smile on his face. Frank didn't know whether he wanted to congratulate him or not, but he felt something he'd never felt before. He sort of hoped it wasn't jealousy, because he shouldn't be jealous of _that_.

"Well, I guess that means you're together then. I mean, unless she was really drunk or something." Words kept pouring out of his mouth as he desperately tried not to sound jealous.

"Well, we weren't completely sober but we wouldn't have gotten that far if we were." He laughed and walked over to sit on the floor next to Frank. Inside, he was broken into millions of pieces while Gerard sat there, happy as ever. How could two people that were so close have suddenly become so far apart, even though they were literally inches away from each other. Gerard put his head on Frank's shoulder.

"My head is killing me," he groaned, "You're not allowed to open doors anywhere near my head anymore." They both laughed, Gerard's head still on Frank's shoulder. It felt like it fit perfectly, like it was meant to be put right there and that it would be there forever, like that moment would never end.

"Do you want me to go? You should rest some more." Frank got up to leave, regardless of Gerard's answer. He was too unstable to be with him right then.

"Frank?" Gerard looked up into his eyes.

"Thank you, for checking on me." Frank's heart stopped for a moment when their eyes met.

"You're welcome," he said as he turned to walk out the door.


	13. Chapter 13: Someday You Will Be Loved

Frank's head was spinning with thoughts. Why was he jealous of Lynz, why would he feel that way about sex? It was Gerard; he knew it was only because it was Gerard. He couldn't be gay; he was definitely just protective over Gerard. He'd never felt that way about another guy before, so that meant he was straight, at least he hoped it did. Even if he was gay, it wouldn't matter because he'd never be asked out and he'd just be alone like he always had been. Being gay wouldn't really change his life that much, except that he would have a whole new chance at love. Who was he kidding, no one would love him. No one loved him now, so it wouldn't all turn around because his sexuality changed. But he was wrong, someone did love him. Gerard said so in that note; _I love you. _

"If he loves me, why did he jump right into bed with that dumb girl?!" He thought aloud. Maybe Gerard didn't 'love' him the way he wanted him too. He opened his door and walked in, slowly heading for the attic but changing his mind and sitting on the couch. "What the hell is wrong with me?" He whispered, putting his head in his hands.


	14. Chapter 14: Soul Meets Body

Frank's phone vibrated in his pocket with a text from Gerard.

'Hey, did you want to talk?' Frank read the text a few times, trying to determine if he was imagining things or not. Gerard asking _him_ if he wanted to talk? That was new.

'Yeah, I do. Actually, just read first. I really like you a lot, you know that. When I kissed you I wasn't really thinking, but now I am and I think I'm definitely gay. For you. You don't even have to talk to me anymore; I just wanted you to know.' He hit send, immediately wishing he could take it back and pretend like everything was okay like he usually did. He waited a while before the phone vibrated again.

'So you were jealous?' What kind of answer was that? Maybe his feelings were more obvious to Gerard than he thought.

'Yeah, I am jealous. I'm jealous you had sex with Lynz and that you held her hand, and that you're dating her now. I'm really jealous because I love you and you've known me for years and you should love me too but you don't because it's not right. I just can't pretend not to care anymore because I really love you.' Another text he regretted immediately. He had never wished for something not to happen before, except maybe being born. He definitely regretted that, especially now. Gerard wouldn't text back, why would he text back?

There was nothing left to say.


	15. Chapter 15: Love Is Dangerous

Frank walked down the street to the school feeling slightly excited to be back, although no one probably noticed he was even gone. He pushed through the doors and hurried down the hall to his class, hoping not to be late. He was about to open the door to the classroom when he saw Gerard wasn't there. He heard people talking down the hall and quickly ran into the bathroom. For some reason he felt like he couldn't be seen alone after being gone for so long. It had been at least a week. He peeked around the corner to see who was walking and saw Bob, an old friend of Gerard's. Frank didn't really talk to him that much, but he seemed nice. He took a step out from the wall to go over, but yanked himself back when he saw that Bob was with Lynz. He stuck his head out just enough to see them, but immediately regretted it. The moment he looked, he saw her kiss Bob. Frank panicked and ran out of the bathroom as soon as they were far enough away. He ran back out of the school deciding today wasn't a good day to stick around and went to Gerard's house, hoping that he was home since he wasn't in class. He was upset by the fact that Lynz would cheat, of course, but he couldn't help but anticipate what would happen once she was out of the picture. For some reason, he knew everything would be different once Gerard found out. He knocked on the door a little harder than he'd meant to, but Gerard answered anyways.

"Why aren't you at school?" Frank hadn't thought it was odd at first, but now he had some questions.

"I could ask you the same, Frankie! I thought you said you were going back today?" Gerard looked slightly disappointed. Frank looked down at the floor, trying to remember if he'd really said that or not.

"Well, I sort of saw something. It's about Lynz." Gerard's face flushed and he pulled Frank into the house, shutting the door behind them. Frank still hadn't really figured out what had happened, anyways.

"What happened, is she okay? Was it about me?" He looked worried and was still holding Frank's arm as if he would disappear if he let go.

"Well, not really… Look, I don't know how to tell you this but she's cheating on you, Gerard. With Bob." Frank's face was hot and he knew it had to be just as red as it felt. Gerard looked shocked at first, but then a hint of doubt appeared in his eyes.

"How do you know? I mean, did you just hear that as a rumor?" Gerard let his hand slide off Frank's arm, being sure not to touch his hand or leg and trying to avoid contact. Frank felt bad for telling him, but he knew he had to. It would be better if he didn't, but he couldn't lie to his best friend; someone he _loved_.

"I was hiding in the bathroom and they walked by. I was going to say Hi to Bob, but I saw Lynz with him and I... well you can imagine why I don't want to talk to her. Anyways, she kissed him. On the lips." Frank thought he'd killed Gerard, the way his face lost all color. The doubt fell from his eyes in tears and he covered his face, trying not to let Frank see.


	16. Chapter 16: Little Lion Man

Frank was at a loss for words, not sure if he had done the right thing or not by telling Gerard.

"You don't have to hide from me." Frank put his hand gently on Gerard's knee, trying to comfort him but worried that he'd made him mad. Gerard wiped his eyes and looked up, trying to smile and laugh it off.

"I know, I just feel like I have to put up a front for you, like I have to be the strong one. I don't want to worry you, you know?" He looked into his eyes with a false confidence that Frank could see right through.

"You don't have to be strong for me, I know it hurts. Trust me. I'm not okay, either. I never have been, but I do know that you have to let it out sometimes. It's better if you do." Gerard still hadn't pushed Frank's hand away, so he slowly slid it up and touched Gerard's hand with just his fingertips. Gerard noticed and flinched at his touch, but didn't move his hand.

"This just sucks. I mean, I trusted her. Something about her told me that she was honest; not innocent, but honest... How could I have let that happen? I let my guard down for one day and this…" Gerard's breath came out in gasps, his cheeks still wet from crying. Frank felt terrible for telling him. They sat there for a while before Gerard pushed his hand closer and slid his fingers in between Frank's. He didn't look up at first, but eventually their eyes met. They both stared at each other, questioning everything that had happened up to that point. Sitting there alone with their fingers intertwined, they didn't know what to do. Everything Gerard had said until now had made it clear to Frank that he didn't like him, but something in his eyes said that it had all been a cover. Frank wanted to ask him so many questions and he wanted to know what was going through his mind. He was sure they were both thinking the same things, but it would have been better to make sure.

"F-Frank," Gerard stuttered, "can you…forgive me?" Frank was surprised at his question, not knowing what he meant.

"What am I forgiving you for?" He tried not to look excited, even though he had fifty different scenarios going through his head.

"Everything. I kept saying I didn't like you and then I left you all alone and doing that with Lynz was just stupid…" He paused, waiting for Frank to answer.

"Of course I forgive you." Frank tightened his grip on Gerard's hand and they both sat silently for a while, still thinking.


	17. Chapter 17: Hands Down Pt 1

Frank sat on his couch next to Gerard, who was still crying, and pretended to look at the TV trying to be convincing. Gerard wiped tears off his cheek and looked up at Frank out of the corner of his eye. They both turned to face each other and Frank leaned in slowly and so did Gerard, their lips gently brushing for a moment before Frank leaned into Gerard and pushed him against the arm of the couch, exploring his mouth with his tongue. Gerard slid his hands up Frank's shirt and over his chest up to his shoulders without hesitation, then around to his back and scratched all the way down to his belt buckle. They both stopped only for a moment to look into each other's eyes and smile, knowing that it was meant to be. Gerard pulled him back down and kissed his neck, sending shivers down Frank's spine.

"Wait," he whispered, hardly wanting to stop Gerard on his way down.

"Don't do this because you're vulnerable right now, don't lead me on." He sat up, trying hard to control himself until he answered.

"I'm not, I told you the only reason we weren't together then was because it wouldn't be normal, but I was being selfish." Frank cut him off with a kiss; He'd heard exactly what he wanted.

"Kiss me like you mean it," Gerard whispered into his ear, "Don't be scared."

They fought back and forth, Gerard sticking his tongue down into Frank's throat until Frank would push him out, taking back control. He reached down and grabbed Frank's crouch, making him moan and sending another shiver down his back. He slid his hand down the inside of his thigh and then back up, squeezing him again. Frank whimpered and pulled at Gerard's shirt, begging for relief.

"Gee," Frank whined, pushing himself into Gerard's hand. Gerard pulled his hand back, making Frank thrust himself forward again.

"I'll tease you first." Gerard pulled his hand away and Frank squirmed in his lap. He pulled himself closer to his chest by his shirt, causing him to push against Gerard's crotch. He moaned at the sudden pressure, wrapping his arms around Frank's hips and pulling him down again. Noticing what Gerard was trying to do, he thrust his hips back and forth, feeling Gerard getting hard beneath him.

Frank's tongue dove farther into Gerard's throat, but he pulled back quickly and Gerard sucked on his lip ring. Frank slid back into Gerard's mouth, shivering as their tongues met again inside. Gerard could feel that Frank was hard, and he was too. He pulled back out of their kiss for a moment.

"Tell me what you want," he whispered into Frank's ear. He moaned as Gerard sucked on his neck, "I want you…" Frank almost regretted saying that, as Gerard immediately slipped his hands under Frank's shirt and pulled it up over his head and then removed his own.

Frank took a deep breath as Gerard turned him over onto his knees. He heard Gerard's zipper and the fabric of his skinny jeans slowly slide down to the floor. Then, he felt Gerard's hands wrap around him and unhinge his belt, sliding his pants down. He shivered as he felt Gerard's hot breath on the back of his neck and arched his back, trying to stay calm. Gerard kissed his shoulder and down his back, then licked all the way up to his neck. His warm body pressed against Frank's cold back as he slid inside him. Frank whined as he thrust his hips, slowly at first but faster as Frank started to relax more.

"Gee," he moaned and pushed himself backwards, forcing Gerard farther inside of him. Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank's hips and started stroking him gently, making Frank moan louder and arch his back.


	18. Chapter 18: Hands Down Pt 2

Gerard thrust faster, trying to make Frank moan again. He stroked him faster and scratched down his back with his free hand. Frank threw his head back and dug his fingernails into the cushion, crying out with a broken scream.

"Mmm, Gee, harder," Frank whimpered as Gerard thrust into him harder and stroked him slower, making him cum. The warm liquid hit his chest, making him squirm and whine for more. Hearing this, Gerard pulled himself back until only the tip of his cock was inside Frank and then forced himself in as far as he could. They both whined and Frank shivered as Gerard came inside of him. He pulled out and slumped over Frank, kissing his neck.


	19. Chapter 19: Please Don't Go

Gerard turned Frank around and tenderly kissed his neck as he stood up and slipped his boxers back on. Frank put his back on too and Gerard laid back down on the couch, both of them still tired. Frank climbed up on to Gerard, laying his head on his chest.

"Gee," Frank's voice was hoarse from yelling, "Please don't go. Stay here until tomorrow." Gerard lifted his head up and looked into Frank's eyes.

"I'll stay forever." He pulled Frank in to a kiss, sucking on his lip ring again. They pulled away, too tired to do much else but lay there together. Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank's skinny body, holding him close.


	20. Chapter 20: Skinny Love

Frank's hands were laid flat on Gerard's chest, one on each side. He curled his fingers up every so often and then straightened them out again. Frank closed his eyes, cherishing the feeling of Gerard's warm skin pressed against his. This was the moment he had always been waiting for, the feeling he had dreamed of. He was no longer jealous of Lynz or depressed, he was content, and in that moment all of his problems completely melted away.

Gerard held him tighter, pulling him closer until Frank's hips pressed into his. Gerard had lost a lot of weight since middle school and his frame fit perfectly with Frank's bone structure, now that they were both skinnier. Frank had a frail and breakable appearance whereas Gerard had a stocky build and thick bones, but they still fit perfectly like two jagged puzzle pieces.

Gerard tenderly traced circles on Frank's back, looking at the ceiling and how the dust floated through the light of the sun setting through the window. Frank noticed all these things that he had never paid attention to before, including how much he really loved Gerard. It was extraordinarily beautiful this evening, but then again, _everything_ was more beautiful this evening. Outside, the wind blew through the trees and the grass and the evening birds sang their songs for the world to hear. He realized that there were things he knew about Gerard that no one else knew; where he was ticklish, what his favorite book was, his favorite _chapter_ of his favorite book, even his favorite sentence. He knew more about Gerard than he even knew about himself. After a while of thinking Frank drifted off to sleep, Gerard still holding him close, protecting him.


	21. Chapter 21: Imagine

Frank grunted a little before lifting up his head, his black hair falling down in his face. He smiled as Gerard pushed it out of the way and kissed his forehead. The way he looked at Frank let him know that Gerard was happy to wake up with him.

"Good morning," he whispered. Frank yawned and rubbed his eyes, "Morning, Gee." His voice was hoarse, like the night before.

"I'm glad you stayed with me. I mean here, like this." He smiled and Gerard ran his fingers through Frank's hair.

"I'm glad, too." He looked away for a moment, trying to decide what to say. Frank summoned the courage to speak first, after a long silence.

"Do you love me?" He blushed; he hadn't really meant to ask. He was planning on telling Gerard he loved him, but changed his mind at the last second. Gerard was quiet for a while before looking him directly in the eyes,

"I love you very, very much, and I'm sorry that I was selfish before." He smiled as Gerard gently kissed him on the lips.

"I love you, too." Frank whispered


	22. Chapter 22: Satellite Heart

It had been at least three awkward weeks since their hook up and Frank was anxious for something else to happen. School was out for spring break and he was debating whether he'd finish school or not. He was a senior so it wouldn't matter if he missed school. He could drop out and never look back; he'd go and live with Gerard. Gerard came over every day but after a few days he just stayed the night at Frank's and went home every few days for clothes. At first he slept on the couch, but it was decided later on that they wanted to share the bed.

Today was one of the days Gerard had gone home for clothes, and Frank took advantage of the time alone for a bath. With Gerard there, they only took showers so they could go together, but Frank had always preferred baths. He figured he had at least an hour or two so he undressed and turned on the water. While he waited for the bath to fill, he looked at his reflection in the mirror. He was pretty short for his age and his hair was long, almost to his shoulders. His stomach was flat and his belly button was too high; or was it too low? His shoulders were feminine and so were his hips. He'd never noticed any of this before, he knew he was ugly but now he knew why. No, ugly wasn't the word; feminine. He was too feminine and he looked gay, no wonder he was made fun of. It made sense though, since he was gay. He didn't know what Gerard saw in him. He turned around and checked on the tub, which was getting full. There was steam rolling up from the water as he shut the door and turned off the faucet. He eased down into the water and sighed, closing his eyes and relaxing for the first time in a while. Whenever Gerard was around, Frank was on edge. He paid attention to every little thing Gerard did and changed himself to fit in. He stretched his legs out and suddenly was thinking about the night they had hooked up. Just the thought of it made him hard.

He slid his hand down and gripped his shaft, jumping at the touch. His whole body tingled as he imagined Gerard's handing jerking him off like he had that night. He whimpered quietly as he stroked himself, harder and faster with each moan that escaped his lips. The front door opened, making him jump, but he didn't stop. Gerard heard him and slipped into the bathroom, undressing and climbing into the Jacuzzi tub with him. Frank propped himself up with his other arm and kissed Gerard, biting his bottom lip. Gerard pulled away and made his way down to Frank's cock, sucking on his neck and chest all the way down. The closer he got, the more frank panicked. He'd never done this before and it was different than their first hook up. He tried to concentrate but he couldn't and let an impatient moan escape his throat as Gerard sucked the head of his cock. Frank bunched Gerard's hair in his fist as he took his cock down into his throat and slid all the way back up, scraping his teeth on the way. Frank curled his toes and turned away from him trying to hide his face but Gerard deep throated him again, making him throw his head back. He opened his mouth to scream, but no noise came out, just a sharp gasp. Gerard smiled and squeezed Frank's thigh before letting his hand down and sliding two fingers into Frank's ass, making him squeal and push his hands against the sides of the tub to hold himself up. He pushed them in and out, sucking his cock at the same time. Frank's moans turned into sharp gasps for air and loud whines as he held Gerard's hair in his fist again, forcing himself down his throat.

"Fuck, fuck," Frank clenched his eyes shut, biting his lip and trying not to scream. Gerard's head bobbed up and down, using one hand for Frank's asshole and the other to hold his thigh. Gerard swallowed most of his cum and pulled himself up to Frank's lips, kissing him. Frank pulled away, not wanting to taste it but Gerard forced him to. He gagged at first but then swallowed, getting more used to it.

Frank swirled his tongue around in his mouth that was now full of his own cum.

"That's not bad," he purred, trying to force Gerard on his back.

"No, let that be my gift to you," Gerard held him back, smiling.

"What do you mean by that? I want to," Frank pushed against Gerard's arm that was holding him back.

"I know you want to, but I'll make you wait," Gerard smirked and got out of the tub, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist. He reached out a hand, but Frank hesitated.

"I'll get out in a bit…" he blushed. Gerard looked puzzled and kneeled down at the side of the tub.

"What's wrong, baby?"

Frank's heart skipped a beat. Gerard called him 'baby'. No one had ever called him that before; no one had ever called him anything nice at all before, to be more honest, and it was the first time he'd ever felt this way before. He never knew a word could impact him so much in a positive way. He tried not to blush and act normal

"Nothing, it's just… I'm naked and…" the more he tried to explain, the more embarrassed he felt.

"Get up, it's not like I haven't seen you before." Gerard flashed a half smile and stood up, reaching out his hand again.

Frank took his hand and pulled himself up, blushing as soon as he stood up.

"Now what's so bad about that?" Gerard pulled a towel off the rack and wrapped it around Frank's shoulders, pulling him into a hug. "You don't have to be shy around me, Frankie. There's nothing wrong with you. You're more perfect than you'll ever understand." He kissed Frank's cheek before letting him go so he could wrap the towel around his waist.

"My hips…are too low," Frank finally admitted, "and I have girly shoulders. I'm too bony and short."

Gerard frowned, disappointed to hear Frank's insecurities.

"No you aren't. You're perfect height, look; you're right up to my nose! And," Gerard stepped forward and put his hands around Frank's waist, "I happen to think your hips are sexy."


End file.
